Wishing you all a Happy New Year
I was talking to one of my clients this week who was hurt by the behavior of his boss. For the first time he was late to work due to blocking of some roads by an accident, preventing him from taking the direct path to the office. The boss was disturbed by this lateness of about 15 minutes, and over the telephone accused my client of being careless with his time and not planning ahead. In other words, my client should leave 15 minutes earlier so that once a year when there is a road problem he could arrive 5 minutes early but the rest of the year he would arrive 20 minutes early! My client also experienced the tone used in that conversation to be grating and attacking.
However, the truth of the Second Agreement still holds: the boss was expressing his anxiety, anger with the world, and perhaps displeasure with the way his company was doing in its financial struggles. I advised my client to examine whether the critique from the boss was appropriate to the situation, and also to look inside and decide whether he felt he had truly done anything wrong at all. With more awareness of the role that each person—the boss and he himself—played in this situation, my client felt more at peace and confident.
If there is a situation where you want to get a different perspective in handling an upsetting episode with someone in your life (family, friends, co-worker, boss, etc.), you can ask yourself and reflect on some of the questions below:
Why is this situation upsetting me?
What is the meaning I assign to it?
What else could be in play here?
What is going on inside the other person's mind and life?
What is the bigger picture?
The Second Agreement invites us to take back the power we have given others to flatter us or to demean us, in order to free ourselves from being swayed or controlled by other people’s opinions. Notice that even words of praise or appreciation should not be allowed to deflect us from our own self-knowledge in the moment!
This principle does not mean we should avoid listening to people openly and honestly; it does not mean we should avoid taking their feelings and opinions into account. The Second Agreement includes staying open to compliments as well as to criticism and honest disagreement, but without being thrown off-balance by any of those.
When you keep the Second Agreement you can follow your heart and be authentic without fear of being praised or criticized. You can keep your inner peace no matter where you are, and no matter what situation you are caught in.
Practicing this agreement will create much freedom in your life.
It’s that time of year again—time for gatherings
and celebrations at work and at home. Although these can be enjoyable times,
sometimes the relationships we revisit during these events have a difficult
history and seem challenging.
It is within the power of each of us
to turn each moment with other people into either an opportunity for connection
and growth, or a stressful encounter that can leave both parties feeling
I want to share what is known as:
''The Four Agreements” this is excellent advice that we can use at this time of year
and throughout our lives:
This week I want to focus on the first agreement. Here it is in full:
Be Impeccable with your word:
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against
yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction
of truth and love.
What does this mean?
First of all we have to consider our
Word to be much more than the construct of words and phrases that comes out of
our mouth. Our Word is the force with which we create, and includes everything
we express. It includes our emotions, physical actions, thoughts and our
attitude. Walking around being silent while filled with hate or self-rejection
doesn’t meet the meaning of impeccability.
Expressing yourself impeccably is to express
yourself in the direction of truth and love. This includes expressing love,
respect, and acceptance for yourself and others. It can also include honesty
that provokes a discussion, but leads to more understanding, authenticity and
connection between people.
People learn many habits over the
years that condition them to use emotional and verbal expressions in ways that
are unkind to oneself or others.
This week stop and pay attention
to the words you use the most towards yourself and others. Remember that
with awareness you can start any transformation.
When you communicate without
criticizing, analyzing, blaming, or diagnosing yourself and others–describing
your observation, sharing your feelings, and clearly and respectfully asking
for your needs, you are more likely to inspire compassion and cooperation.
To keep this one seemingly simple agreement will require some time and
practice. Just know that every day that you become more impeccable with your
Word you will have more love and happiness in your life and in your
relationships. That is the truth! And it applies for holidays, and for your
Part Two will be posted Monday 10th December
When you don’t get enough sleep, you know why you’re tired.
Doctors have been recommending eight hours since before you were born.
But we’re not here to advise you on that obvious solution. Every now and then, there are those times when you tried so hard and you did it: You got your full night’s sleep. And yet when you woke up and made it to work, you were immediately exhausted.
There are perfectly logical reasons why you’re feeling this way, even after you got all that rest.
Fatigue can really put a damper on your day. It makes tedious, mountainous ordeals out of small tasks and can turn a simple conversation into a laborious chore.
You live a full, busy life — you need all the energy you can get. We understand that you can’t afford to be dragging all day, and that feeling well rested is crucial for making it through your packed schedule.
It’s likely that your lifestyle is secretly robbing you of your energy without you even knowing it. Are you making any of these mistakes that set you up for hours of exhaustion?